Posts Tagged "mlp"

Premise Bias

A few years back I was in a bar with a couple of friends.  M had just gone off to grad school and was giving us reports about the people in her program and their work.  G was her bestest best friend at the time and had already heard all of the shit-talk.  I was sipping a particularly well mixed snake-bite (half stout half hard cider); I put it down quickly and said, “Yeah, so what was so terrible [about their work]?”

M said, “Oh, my God, Sharif! It’s just so baaaad!  I was wondering how they got into this program, you know?”  G started giggling, already aware of the dirt.  “One guy, wrote a poem about werewolves having sex.”  G couldn’t restrain herself and burst out laughing.

I smiled, “So why was it bad?”

M restrained a yell, “It was about werewolves having sex!”

“And was it not done well?” I asked.  G began to stop laughing.

M insisted, “It was about werewolves having sex!”  M noticed that I wasn’t really amused, in fact I was judging her for closed-mindedness.

“Okay, well, hear this one!  Someone wrote a poem about vampires!”  She said a few more things and shot down her classmates, offering little more explanation than premises.  As someone who writes high concept work like a stork who kidnaps babies (“Stork” in Writing That Risks to be released by Red Bridge Press Fall 2013) or a Roomba that kills itself (“Roomba Suicide” Perceptions Magazine of the Arts. Print only. 2013.) I had a feeling that they were indirectly trying to take digs at me.

It's a crazy idea got me into this anthology.

It’s a crazy idea got me into this anthology.

I asked, “So what subjects can art be about and what subjects are not art?”
Where as M and I were writing students, G was an art/writing double major.  While writing classes do not actually address the questions of “What is art?” art classes definitely do.  G stopped laughing.

M was trying to regain her status and justify her remarks, “No, you just don’t do poems like that.”  This was just like her, to say an opinion like it is fact and expect you to take it on her authority.

“What about a poem about a video game?”  I asked.  Sensing that this was a trap, she didn’t spring it.  I sprung it on her anyway, “What if that video game was Sega Ghost Squad?”  She knew I was referring to the poem by Colette Atkinson, our former professor at our university.  “Ideas aren’t writing.  Anyone can have ideas.  It’s how you write them that determines if they’re good.  Colette Atkinson used Ghost Squad very well to tell the story of a shitty relationship…Just because it’s not ‘high art’ doesn’t mean it’s bad.”

I’m not sure whether they were trolling me or not, but the discussion ended there.

I was reminded of this anecdote when I was talking on the phone with a writer in my program and friend Jonathan Rosenthal (Pound Puppies, Recess, Hey Arnold!).  We were talking about the premise for Pixar’s “Ratatouille,” which is a great film.  Jonathan said, “No premise is bad so long as it has a good answer to the question  ‘And then what happens?'”

Seriously, that is such a FANTASTIC writing perspective that I’m going to quote it again:

“No premise is bad so long as it has a good answer to the question ‘And then what happens?'” -Jonathan Rosenthal

Looking at the premise for My Little Pony: Equestria Girls, it is a pretty awful premise.

Princess Twilight Sparkle must leave her land of magical talking ponies and become a human in the human world where she must become prom queen to win back her stolen crown.

It was so awful that people started throwing fits about it, and death threats were given to DHX (the studio that animates MLP).  Before this similar hostility was given to MA Larson for writing the episode where Twilight Sparkle becomes a princess/god/alicorn.  Yet after seeing the actual execution of these premises, people remembered that Megan McCarthy and MA Larson are actually pretty bad ass writers who can handle their shit.

A premise itself, is not enough to judge a work.  If you are this closed minded you can keep yourself from writing the next great novel, or publishing it, or making it into that movie.  Keep in mind that bronies should have never liked My Little Pony.  They discovered that despite the genre, the premise, and the demographics, the execution of the show made it something more than just engaging, but heartfelt and powerful.

I really liked Spenser’s (Brony Clubhouse) video expressing his disappointment with the over reacting part of the brony fandom who should know better than to judge a work by the basic idea alone.

So let’s play a game.  I’m going to put a list of premises/ideas of existing properties.  Your studio has developed a reputation for producing terrible films.  They hired you to try to turn the studio’s reputation around.  You are authorized to make 5 properties, whether it’s a TV show or a movie, or whatever.  You will not be working on the films, your job is just to green light the films you think will be the best.  You must reject 5 ideas and go with the best 5 based upon their premise.  Honor system.  No cheating if you recognize the title.  Remember, your studio is not concerned with money, but quality.

  1. Sex-changing martial artist finds himself having to deal with the challenge of having too many fiances while constantly having to engage his enemies on various forms of combat from martial arts Japanese tea-ceremony to ice skating martial arts fighting.
  2. A teenager takes a time traveling car back in time accidentally undoing the circumstances of his own birth.
  3. A teenage girl finds herself obsessively and dangerously in love with a monster hiding as a human, which is perfectly evolved to be irresistible.
  4. A bunch of high school kids from different cliques attend Saturday school together and learn they aren’t so different.
  5. A rat who wants to be a chef tries to achieve his dream by controlling a human who is hopeless at cooking by pulling his hair.
  6. Unlikely paranormal investigators must save the world from the upcoming apocalypse to be brought about by The Great Destroyer, who takes the form of a giant commercial marshmallow man.
  7. A bookworm studying magic is forced to study the magic of friendship in order to prevent the world from being cast in eternal darkness.
  8. The last members of a dying planet shoot their baby to a distant planet whose sun gives him super strength, speed, vision, and flight.
  9. After a failed attempt to drown himself in a river, a man finds himself stranded on an island in the middle of the city, where he uses trash to adapt to his new life.
  10. Things go wrong in a theme park full of dinosaurs causing a life and death situation for the people there.

BONUS: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

 

Ranma 1/2: If you thought of making something with this premise and decided against actually doing it, then you’re not Rumiko Takahashi, at a point Japan’s wealthiest woman, who made a fortune off of Ranma 1/2 and Inuyasha.  Both of these series are not just widely popular but are considered classics and a must watch for any anime enthusiast.

Back to the Future:  The way I wrote that premise, I would not have made this movie and I love time travel…and cars.  But the premise just sounded bad or at least like it could go bad at any moment.

Twilight: I have to say I would have put my money on making this.  The premise sounds fantastic!  But are these good movies/book?  I’m of the popular opinion that they aren’t (even though I’ve only read a chapter or two of the books).  That’s the reason I included it.  To show that even a good premise with poor execution will make a bad movie.  Really what we’re learning here is that a writer’s ability isn’t in his ideas, but how he brings them to life.

The Breakfast Club:  This movie does not have a premise that would make me risk investing my money, but it’s a classic.  It resonates with a lot of people…people who still live with their parents.

Ratatouille:   This is the film that inspired this blog post.  At least it inspired the conversation that inspired this blog post.  After the movie was made someone at Pixar was lamenting how stupid the premise was, even though the film ended up being fantastic.

"Can a brilliant movie also be retarded?"

“Can a brilliant movie also be retarded?”

Ghostbusters: Proving that with humor you can really get away with a lot.  One of the better TA instructors at UCI taught me that with humor, camp, self awareness, and lampshades you can make a really enjoyable work which gets away with anything.  Ghostbusters not only gets away with murder with the Stay Puft Man, but they created one of the most recognizable scenes in cinema.

My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic:  Well, without someone buying into this premise, none of us would be here.  I’d probably have a much more cynical blog where I’m just like every other jerk writer trying to establish some sort of platform for himself.  I’d probably be trying to exploit my race or something.  Anyway, without someone giving the magic of friendship a chance, we wouldn’t have followed Twilight Sparkle and friends.  We wouldn’t have discovered that a world of ponies could be so rich with humanity.

Superman:  Coming from one of the dumbest origin stories ever, Superman has become the icon of modern day mythos and American society.  So goes America, so goes Superman.  “Man of Steel,” possibly being the first film to crash airplanes in building since 2001, is really a film about the divided identity of America post 9-11.  Speaking of “Man of Steel” I would argue that this film shows how a movie can be simultaneously excellent and terrible based on execution alone and not the premise.

Casaway on the Moon: This is a South Korean film, so of course they’re obsessed with the effects of capitalism and technology on the human individual.  This film explores the human pain and loneliness while being surrounded by people.  This is profound, powerful, creative, fun, moving, and on Netflix.  It would be a shame if someone passed on this because of the premise.

Jurassic Park: Of course this film made a gagillion dollars.  As a kid this was the only film I saw which traumatized me and made me afraid of getting eating by a T-Rex each time I went to the bathroom.  If that doesn’t make a great film I don’t know what does…other than great characters, plot, tragic elements…

Bonus: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Enough said.

It’s natural for us to create patterns of what will be good and what won’t be.  It’s to save us time and let us know that a movie about a hot tub time machine is a terrible idea.  But keep in mind that good artists are not trying to just remake what has been done, but to break expectations and destroy the established paradigms.  My Little Pony was done poorly a few times in the past.  This My Little Pony is so great, because Lauren Faust broke paradigm after paradigm of what we expect from television for little girls.  Unfortunately, premise bias is strong in the writing community and risk taking isn’t.

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How To Do a Kickstarter: Perks

So Kickstarter uses a concept called “Price Discrimination” which allows you to reach different markets simultaneously and increase your profits by including people who won’t pay as much.  It’s the same logic as the Playstation “Greatest Hits,” you sell the same game for cheaper after you’ve already sold to all the people who were willing to pay $50 for a $20 game.

But selling in tiers is a little different from just selling a product and later changing your prices.  So here’s some advice on how to sell to these markets and maximize profits.

 

Low Tiers

Pocket change adds up.  So do costs.  The key to keeping your profits in the lower tiers is to offer something of value while keeping your hard costs (materials, manufacturing, and shipping) down.

Offer something that can be delivered digitally: File downloads, links to hidden behind the scenes Youtube videos, digital drawings, etc.  This will keep your hard costs down.

Offer something that costs little and ships for cheap: Autographed photo, drawing, etc.

Thank You Tiers

A Thank You Tier is a tier where the donor gets nothing but a “Thank you.”  Most projects have one.  I think this is a lack of imagination (see options above) and a leak of potential money.

"No pony wants to buy a THANK YOU!  Your appreciation should be an expected part of any transaction!  If you want to penetrate the nickle and dime tiers you had better come up with a clever way to actually GIVE A PONY SOMETHING FOR THEIR MONEY!"

“No pony wants to buy a THANK YOU! Your appreciation should be an expected part of any transaction! People want to help you, but they don’t want to just waste their money!  If you want to penetrate the nickle and dime markets you had better come up with a clever way to actually GIVE A PONY SOMETHING FOR THEIR MONEY AND DO IT FOR FREE!”

As of this writing the Connu campaign is only half-way done and due to the digital nature of their project, they can offer real incentives to their lower tiers without adding to their hard costs.  In the $10 and under tiers they’ve earned $553.  If this momentum keeps up they will likely fill 10% of their quota with the nickle and dime tiers.

Another campaign I’ve followed was an Indiegogo campaign was for a short film called “Shadow.”  This campaign followed so many of my smaller rules and had great business strategy!  At the same time there were many oversights that left much to be desired, or even felt insulting to the contributor.  For instance they had 2 thank you tiers ($2 and $10), but they will only thank someone on their website if they give $10.  How stingy!  And what does that say to the $2 contributors?  It says that even though they say “thank you” that they don’t appreciate it!  It’s no surprise that Shadow only made $62 in the lower tiers, which is less than 1% of their quota.

 

Middle Tiers

Selling to the middle tiers is usually about value.  Is the price reasonable?  Is this a value or a good use of my money?  Is this rare?  Is this special?

You’ll find greater success with the middle tiers if you really show why your project is special and if this is where you’re simply selling your project: Bluray of the movie, copy of the game, CD of the album, etc.

If you have a monopoly on your product and you can generate enough interest in it (why you should invest in your video), then you can safely inflate the price of your wares.

Note: Being too greedy will cost you

Demand curve

Law of Demand states that goods have a price which will yield the greatest profit.  If you price something too high, you will sell too little (which hurts profits).  If you price something too low, you will sell much more, but you still won’t make much of a profit.  The key is to try to find the right value (P3 and Q3 in the chart above).  The Law of Demand is sometimes called the “Law of the Bloody Obvious,” probably a British term.

Thus fair pricing will actually increase your profits.  You should do a survey of your friends (unless your friends are rich, then ask other people…or actually you should just ask your rich friends for money) to find a good prices.  Keep in mind that what people will pay for say “The Brony Documentary” might not be the same as what they’d pay for “indie short film about failed marriage.”

 

Top Tiers

The top tier donors are usually people who have too much income and want to be apart of something.  Money is not particularly a problem with these people.  Usually what most Kickstarters do is find a way to either give these donors super rare things, such as evenings with celebrities or autographed rare merchandise or they find some way to include the donor into the creation of the project itself: an NPC (non person character), an extra in the background of your film or comic, etc.

The Shadow campaign had a great strategy for the top tiers: sell to businesses.  They offered walk on roles or product placement and advertisements in the film.  It’s impossible to tell whether anyone bought this from them or whether they elected to be an extra in the film, so I’ll say they earned 0-10% of their funding this way.  Either way it’s a really good idea.  If someone won’t spend their own money, they might spend their business’ money.

 

Tier to Tier Sales

So each tier adds something new to the perks below it for an added cost.  Many crowd sourced projects leak money by not making the cost increase equal to what is added.  So many of their donors choose a lower tier than they normally would.  Now it’s impossible to accurately guess opportunity costs, but I’m going to speculate a little.

The Indiegogo campaign for the unreleased tapes of the Brony Documentary had 227 people donate $10, but only 29 people donate $25.  This is a huge drop off from

These were their perks.

$10
-Digital download of film
-Photo album access

$25
-Sticker sheet

Essentially you’re paying $15 for a sheet of stickers.  These stickers cost more than the actual video file.  I wonder how many people donated $10 instead of $25 because they couldn’t justify spending $15 on stickers.

I believe the following would have generated more money for them, simply by adding more value to the added investment.

$10
-Digital download of film

$25
-Sticker sheet
-Photo album access

$10 tier just gives the bronies what they want, to see the added footage.  $25 gives you the stickers and exclusive access to photos.

That’s it for perks advice!  Good luck!

More:
How To Do a Kickstarter: Sharif Acts Like Don Draper on an E-Mail (Public Relations)
How To Do a Kickstarter: Perks
How To Do a Kickstarter: E-Mails
How To Do a Kickstarter (Short Version)

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Underrated Never Talked about Skill for Writers: A Rambly Sort of Thing

Today in class I started bringing up theory again.  Recently I’ve noticed my professor looks at me and smiles when I bring up some obscure topics and essays (I don’t know if she did that all semester or just felt nostalgic because today was the last day of class).  This time it was a piece by a Korean feminist talking about masculinity in oppressed cultures.  She said to me, “I’m always amazed by what you can bring to the conversation.”

Later tonight I went to visit a friend in the hospital.  A week earlier she was just an acquaintance.  In the hospital I argued with a nurse about why her pain wasn’t being managed and why the doctors seemed to think post-op pain of a 9 out of 10 was “normal” and didn’t need treatment.  My mom was a pain management nurse and now teaches nursing at a university.  I learned the lingo.  I learned how to ask for drugs without seeming drug seeking.  I learned how to advocate for my friend.

"I have a manipulative speech ready that will get you so many pain meds that you'll need pain inducing drugs just to keep you on the pain scale...pain.  Crap, I think your charge nurse heard my soliloquy."

“I have a manipulative speech ready that will get you so many pain meds that you’ll need pain inducing drugs just to keep you on the pain scale. Crap, I think your charge nurse heard my soliloquy.”

On the drive home I thought about my teacher’s words.  I realized something I decided was probably the biggest gift to myself.

I came up with two rules for myself:

1. Whenever I didn’t know something, I would ask about it.

This includes what words mean, things I claim to be an expert on, and things that people would probably prefer not to talk about.

2. I would let people talk to me about any subject.

I let my cousins and some of my friends teach me about cars.  I’ve let my sister (a women’s health nurse) teach me about different speculum, benefits of clear plastic over metal, and that some of them have lights.  My mom taught me about pain management in hospitals.  I’ve had people talk to me about all kinds of subjects from Apple products to humor theory to rollercoasters to Wutang Clan.

If you don’t want to hear about something, it’s probably, because you don’t know enough to appreciate it.

These rules will help you develop a sense of curiosity and wonder for the human creature.  Something that should show up in your writing.

This is from my lecture notes last fall when my Professional Writing Core teachers were explaining that curiosity and wonder are at the center of all art.

This is from my lecture notes last fall when my Professional Writing Core teachers were explaining that curiosity and wonder are at the center of all art.

Now people will go out and people watch.  Wonderful activity, but also very shallow and superficial.  You’ll only get the surface without context.  If you talk to a person, they will teach you about entirely new ways of seeing the world, maybe these ways aren’t always positive.  Of course this is granted they even want to talk to you.

"Aaah! A humanities major working retail! Get your low income potential and broken dreams away from me!" "That's interesting and so telling about the social background, upbringing, ideologies, and your way of life."

“Aaah! A humanities major working retail! Get your low income potential and broken dreams away from me!”
“That’s interestin’ and so tellin’ about yuh social background, upbringin’, ideologies, and yuh way of life.”

Most people want to talk about things.  Some people will even talk to you about the worst tragedy to ever happen to them.  More people will tell you these things if they feel you’ll listen and understand.

I won’t tell someone to stop talking.  I’ll interrupt, because I’m so excited about the conversation, but I won’t tell them to stop talking.

It’s beautiful.  The human being.  I was with a girl and angry at the world.  I said, “I have never felt so misanthropic.”
She laughed (and not just at how angsty I was being), “You’re not a misanthrope.  You’re an anthropologist.  I’ve never seen someone so in love with people.”  This was a surprise to me.  I didn’t realize this was true.  I also didn’t realize she could ever show this level of understanding about me.  At least I used to think that.  It must be untrue since I fell in love with her.

Talking to people, reading their blogs will expand your mind more than anything (Even if it’s starting to get unfocused, rhapsodize-y, and digressive).  You’ll never know what you’ll learn and from where.  Did you think you would find a passionate, sincere, intellectual blog about the human condition with a bunch of ponies on it?

I’ve talked to a drunk punk rock bassist in the Inland Empire about his view on the world, it was disparate from the views of a privileged girl I talked to in Orange County, but there is always confluence.  We want the same things: love, respect, to feel special, safety, etc.

We all have the fear of time and being mortal adding pressure on our desires.  From this is conflict.  From this we do our worsts to each other and even our bests.  When written with justice to the characters, this conflict will allow you to see yourself in the worst of people as well as the best.  We are all the same, it’s the priorities and the situations that make us different, whether by nature or nurture.

There’s a price to this, the more you learn what people want and their motivations, the harder it is to judge them.  Although, this seems positive, keep in mind that these people will make you mad.  They will hurt you.  You will feel mad and stay awake at night.  You’ll wish you were just wondering why they would do something to hurt you, but you’ll know why.  You’ll know their motivations, what they want in life.  You’ll know that if you were them, desperate for the same petty things, then you would hurt other people for them as well.  It would be hard and wrong for you to hate them for being who they are.  So you don’t take any action, even though you’re hurt.

With this understanding there’s nowhere for your hate and frustrations to go.  You’re stuck with them.

"I understand that her belief system doesn't allow for the idea that there's the possibility of platonic friendships between people of opposite genders, but that doesn't mean she is entitled to treat me like a second class citizen even if she is trying to keep me from 'falling for her.'  God that's so egotistical it's sick, but then that belief has probably just be reenforced by a lifetime of being a pretty girl and having any guy friend fall in love with her.  Man this sucks that her past is determining why I don't get to have friends! Why am I always the expendable one?!"

“I understand that her belief system doesn’t allow for the idea of platonic friendships between people of opposite genders, but that doesn’t mean she is entitled to treat me like a second class citizen even if she is trying to keep me from ‘falling for her.’ God that’s so egotistical, it’s sick, but then that belief has probably just been reenforced by a lifetime of being a pretty girl and having every guy friend fall in love with her, requiring her to explain why things wouldn’t work out.  The poor girl probably lost a lot of friends growing up. Man this sucks that her past is determining why I don’t get to have my friend! After all the times I’ve looked out for her! Well, this might be her form of looking out for me and my feelings… Why am I always the expendable one?! I hate this.”

Sorry, where was I?  Oh, yeah, people will reveal more to you than they realize.  They will tell you their ideologies, their secrets, their experiences even if they don’t intend to.  And isn’t understanding how other people think and act what character work is all about?

That’s not necessarily a rhetorical question.  Let me know how you think about anything I’ve brought up.  Clearly, I’m interested.

PS. For more on this subject read Virginia Woolf’s short story “An Unwritten Novel” to get the value of people watching and some of its drawbacks.  For the benefits of talking to people and how you can learn things about their character that they themselves don’t even realize they are saying read Robert Browning’s “My Last Duchess”

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A Thousand Words or So to the Community College Bound

One of the lies we are told growing up is that if you study hard in high school, then you’ll make it to a big school and that school will be the key to your success.  Not doing your work will get you a McDonald’s job.  I have found this to be the adolescent equivalent of “keep making that face, and it will stick that way.”

Going to Mt. San Antonio Community College didn’t equal my failure.  After completing the requirements, I applied and got into UCLA, Berkley, & UC Irvine.  At the time UC Irvine was the one with the most impressive English program so I went there (Yes, better than UCLA).  When I went there I ran into the salutatorian of my high school class who could only demand “What the hell are you doing here?!”

Although she never liked me, this wasn’t the reason for her outrage.  She was pissed because throughout high school she acted the way she should have, and I didn’t.  She had a GPA above 4.0 in high school.  Mine was more like 3.0 (for an honors kid this was like having the GPA of an etch-a-sketch).  Yet, there we were sharing the same prestige, in fact I saved about $50,000 for dicking around in high school.  Isn’t there a bible story on this?

Reason 1: You can get the same degree with about half the debt.  This will help, because your English degree from that top university won’t get you a decent job.  It will just help you beat out people without degrees for crap jobs.

Derpy in Feeling Pinkie Keen

“You have a degree in the arts? Nice. Help Derpy with the art of loading this van, also she’s your boss.”

For me community college wasn’t a stumbling block, I knew this was a dangerous place where if I didn’t take things seriously, then I would never escape its publicly funded clutches.  This caused me to stop looking at my GE’s as something in the way of my real academic pursuits.  They became a means to an end.

"I have to take Intro to Friendship? When am I going to use that as a magic major?!”

“I have to take Intro to Friendship? When am I going to use that as a magic major?!”

It turns out that writers need to know more about the world than just writing.  Otherwise they’re writers writing about writing.  Although, I’ll admit, I find writing the most fun when I’m writing about writing or writers or writer problems, but sometimes it might be cool to write a piece about a marine biologist, or a piece that explores philosophical ideas, and I’m sure a course in chemistry didn’t hurt the writer of “Breaking Bad.”

“Hydrofluoric acid will eat anything but certain plastics? That’s neat and all, but when is this EVER going to turn up in my writing?” –Vince Gilligan (not really)

“Hydrofluoric acid will eat anything but certain plastics? That’s neat and all, but when is this EVER going to turn up in my writing?” –Vince Gilligan (not really)

Reason 2: Community College is a death trap and the fear of it might make you actually study and learn things you can use in your writing.

When you transfer to a four year school you may notice a few changes.  At UC Irvine I noticed that instead of being taught by an experienced adult with several publications and familiarity with the writing game, my instructors were replaced with grad students who were about my age and felt uncomfortable about the “Where have you been published?” question.

80s Cherilee cutiemark lecture     “When I published my first poem there was this thing called ‘The Cold War.’”

“When I published my first poem there was this thing called ‘The Cold War.’”

“Welcome to Creative Writing 101. I took this class 2 years ago, and will be supplying you with vague answers for the next 10 weeks. So let’s all pretend I know what I’m doing and not ask any tough questions.”

“Welcome to Creative Writing 101. I took this class 2 years ago, and will be supplying you with vague answers for the next 10 weeks. So let’s all pretend I know what I’m doing and not ask any tough questions.”

To be honest, I got lucky with most of my graduate instructors, most.  Each of them offered me something new that has changed my views on writing forever, that includes the, um, less awesome TA’s.

But my community college mentor John Brantingham has done more to shape my views of writing than any other professor.  In fact, he has probably shaped the fiction sections of “Writing Is Magic” more than any of my other professors.

Reason 3: Community college instructors tend to be more experienced teachers and writers (of course your own experience is subject to change).

Even if your counselor is like “Yeah, you totally took this class in community college!” there’s probably someone in the English department who is like “You’re going to have to take all your creative writing classes over again.”

So you will start again and you’ll listen to someone else talk about writing, but wait!  This isn’t what a story is!  This reading assignment doesn’t fit into what I was taught!  Clearly I went to the wrong school!  What’s Post-Modernism?! AAAAAH! THIS IS ALL WRONG!

“Someone in workshop turned in a 25 page rambling about replacing the insides of a bee with bread. I had to write a critique about what I thought it meant and how to make it better, BUT I DIDN’T KNOOOOOOOW!”

“Someone in workshop turned in a 25 page rambling about replacing the insides of a bee with bread. I had to write a critique about what I thought it meant and how to make it better, BUT I DIDN’T KNOOOOOOOW!” (image from “Rainbow Dash Presents”)

This is fine.  You came from one school with one way of doing things, and you’re entering a new school with a new way of doing things.  The changes can be dramatic or subtle.  If you’re lucky it’s dramatic and intimidating.  Your mind will have to figure some way to reconcile the aesthetics and find your own path.  Take what works.  Leave what doesn’t.  Don’t forget what doesn’t work; just leave it alone.  It might be a key ingredient to your writing later on.  If you aren’t going through these growing pains, THAT’S when I would worry that I didn’t go to the right school – but then maybe you did.

You might find yourself being behind the other students who already get the house style.  They’ve been here since they graduated high school.  This is the only way they know how to think about writing.  However, as you start to find your voice, you will be the one with the advantage and confidence.

“Hey, I’m all for experimentation, but perhaps not having a main character until you reached the maximum allowable word count was not the best idea. No, Mrs. Buzzy was not a main character; she was a plot device. Oh, also adding a plot might help! But that’s just my opinion.”

“Hey, I’m all for experimentation, but perhaps not having a main character until you reached the maximum allowable word count was not the best idea. No, Mrs. Buzzy was not a main character; she was a plot device. Oh, also adding a plot might help! But that’s just my opinion.”

They have only attended one writing program.  By this point you have attended two.  They are a product of their program, with all of its strengths and weaknesses.  Hopefully, you’ve managed to fill in the holes of your new four year school with the strengths of your community college teachings.

By your final years, you might be one of the finest writers in your program.  You might even give some of the MFA’s a run for their money.  But don’t be discouraged if your colleagues can’t see it; when they go off to do their MFA, you will get reports back saying “Remember what you said in workshop? Well, my professor said the same thing!”

I’ve said things in a peer workshops which were laughed at, and I was brushed off as having silly theories about writing.  I said the same thing at USC and my professor actually applauded (If I’m not nominated for a TED talk in the next 3 years, I’ll do a video on it here).

You see everything they’ve been told to think about writing they got from one source, probably the aesthetic styles of whoever runs the program.  Since you are their peer, you’ll lack credibility to have new ideas brought in and respected by the ego-driven crowds.  To say something that disagrees with the house style, no matter how flawed the house style is or how sound your reason is, they will think that it is you who doesn’t understand.  So they will need someone of merit to tell them the same thing you did before they’ll listen.  (Befriend those who are open-minded enough to listen to you; this will keep you sane.)

Reason 5: No creative writing program is perfect.  Each has its strengths and weaknesses.  Already having a few creative writing classes from a different perspective will help you compensate for some of the weaknesses.  If you didn’t go to community college, you’d have to wait until grad school to have this experience.

Although this was just my experience.  Your experience may will vary.  If you’ve gone through the community college system, feel free to comment on how it was like for you.

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Reading Chinua Achebe Part 3: UC Irvine

Click to read:
Part 1: High School
Part 2: Community College

At UCI some of the writers were easy to spot early on.  If someone was helpless in the literature class, they were probably a writer.  Sometimes they would defunct a reading by saying “That’s not what writers do,” instead of, you know, something not stupid.  They had trouble with the type of thought required for literary criticism/critical theory.  They were developed to think more from an angle of aesthetic criticism.  In community college, critical theory and aesthetic theory seemed to go hand in hand.  I didn’t realize that they had any difference or that there was a time and a place for each.  I’ll discuss this more in the future.

In this quarter I was just starting to learn to separate my two parts of theories of literature.  This should have been easy.  I was an argumentative Muslim-agnostic living in a Christian country in a very divisive period.  I also had the luxury of being able to pass for Middle Eastern, Hispanic, and/or Caucasian (Yes, even with a name like Sharif. *shrug* People are dumb?).  When people were arguing about the benefits of locking Muslims up for no reason, then I couldn’t argue like an Arab (I’d sound biased).  I’d have to argue like a white Republican American Christian.  I’d point out contradictions of their arguments with the beliefs they testify to like a combination of Ditto and Pheonix Wright.  The way most people code switch from the way they speak at home to the business casual vernacular they speak at work, I could code switch between ethos.  Like Super Nintendo cartridges.  Off.  Pop.  Blow.  Swap.  On.  Let’s play.

I think at a point we need to trust God to protect us. If we commit sins against the innocent due to our fear, then it shows a lack of faith in Christ.  In addition, I believe that the terrorists can only destroy our buildings, but the American spirit of freedom can only be destroyed by jingoism and fear stirred up in ourselves. We must walk a careful line between vigilance and oppression.  Of course, whatever you believe is fine, because this is America.

“‘Lock up all the Muslims?’ Where’s that Christian-American ethos cartridge? *blow* I think at a point we need to trust God to protect us. If we commit sins against the innocent due to our fear, then it shows a lack of faith in Christ. In addition, I believe that the terrorists can only destroy our buildings, but the American spirit of freedom can only be destroyed by jingoism and fear stirred up in ourselves. How can you talk about protecting freedom while talking about incarcerating the innocent? How can you be American, but advocate religious persecution? We must walk the careful line between vigilance and oppression. Of course, whatever you believe is fine, because this is America.” -Bush Administration Sharif

However, separating literary criticism from aesthetic criticism was like separating the water from Kool Aid.  Especially when you don’t know that there is a such thing as aesthetic theory.  It was mostly just “How do I reconcile what this person says about literature with what this person says.”  For survival purposes this required a bit of Schizophrenia.  Think this way on Mondays and Wednesdays; think another way Tuesdays and Thursdays.   This process took me years of confusion, internal rhetoric, fights with professors, fights with grad students, looking like a jackass, fear, anger, hate, and suffering.

Twilight doing chemistry.

“Maybe lemon-lime will cancel out the grape…”

I read Things Fall Apart twice this quarter.  The first time I read it was to refresh the story in my mind for class discussion, the second time was to write an essay.

In retrospect I realized that the first time I read it at UCI, I read it very much from a critical theory standpoint.  The Igbo culture was a microcosm of the greater struggle of Africa being caught between cultures (though perhaps too obvious, general, possibly not true, and worst of all not enough to make a paper on).

When it was essay writing time, I reread and started hunting for quotes and such.  This time, for some reason, I was looking more at the aesthetics and techniques of the book.  The language was new for me.  I guess this was the first time I really looked at the prose.  It was clear and direct, simple yet elegant.  There was no pretension trying to wax as wisdom.  It was just wise.  Direct, effective, adaptive, and powerful like Bruce Lee’s approach to martial arts, but with words.  Things Fall Apart is a book as much to be experienced as it is to be read, analyzed, and understood.  The language doesn’t have to create a faux complexity and play a game of “hide the secret;” the complexity comes from the honesty, empathy, and understanding from the author.

"The best form is to have no form. Unless it is poetry, then the best form is the villanelle." -Bruce Lee (not really)

“The best form is to have no form. Unless it is poetry, then the best form is the villanelle.” -Bruce Lee (not really)

I noticed the use of folklore, which was a minor theme throughout other works we were studying.  So I wrote an essay on that.  I said how the story of the tortoise and the birds was a microcosm of the greater novel.  I further went on to point out how folklore and a character’s relationship to it was used for characterization and to set up various plot points and relationships including relationships with one’s culture.

"Let me have some feathers so I can go to the bird feast in the sky. Seriously quit being a dick." - Things Fall Apart (not really)

“Let me have some feathers so I can go to the bird feast in the sky. Seriously quit being a dick.” – Things Fall Apart (not really)

I was super excited for this essay, which is a bad sign I’ve learned.  I have a passion for aesthetic theory, which means that it isn’t something I should turn into the critical theorist TA.

I remember right before the essay was due, many of my classmates were at a complete loss of what to write about since there were no prompts.  So I started handing prompts out on subjects I saw but wasn’t passionate about.  Write about the effects of colonialism on women as described by Wole Soyinka in “The Lion and The Jewel” and Mirama Ba’s So Long a Letter.  Use Ngũgĩ wa Thiong’o’s Weep Not Child and Tsitsi Dangarembga’s Nervous Conditions to talk about the role of Western education in African self-awareness (Helpful hint, bring in the teacher’s book Decolonizing The Mind).

These prompts were very literary critc-y.  Everyone who took one of my prompts got an A or an A-.  I got a B- on my paper!  Apparently, an ethnocentric feminist gaze of African polygamy had more legitimacy than discussing the use of African culture to show the greater book as a macrocosm of a piece of folklore.*  Although, it might have helped streamline my paper if I actually knew the words “microcosm” and “macrocosm” when I was 21.

Speaking of folklore, I think I’ll end this in an Aesop.  I was the same human being reading the exact same copy of a book, yet I wasn’t the same person.  My worldview had shifted and so did my view of the world created by Achebe.  If you’re a writer trying to control exactly how people read your book, you are fooling yourself and wasting your time.  People will experience their own book, movie, comic, play, poem…

 

*It also might have helped to have incorporated Keat’s concept of the gyre, which today I still don’t quite understand.  It’s like a self-referential vortex…kinda?  I’m starting to remember why I didn’t try to put that in the essay.

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